Peeping Torgo

This tumblr has been very quiet but it is still going strong as an Aubrey Plaza appreciation forum.

(Source: estranja)

So the trailer for the new Captain America came out today. With the casting of the Hot Chick from Revenge as love interest and S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Sharon Carter I got to wondering…
IS CAPTAIN AMERICA A VIRGIN? Let’s go over the evidence.
PRE WAR
The first Captain America establishes in the early scenes that Steve Rogers is a short skinny runt of a man. His pure physical attributes are likely not attractive to women at all. Though he is also shown to have a lot of “heart,” which could be enticing, he is also shown to be shy and awkward with women. He is also distracted by the desire to join the army even to the point of ignoring his partner on his double date with Bucky Barnes. On the other hand we must consider the circumstances of the era. Though the first half of the 20th century is looked on as a more prudish time, young couples certainly engaged in coitus as they do now. This writer conjectures that with so many young men going overseas, both men and women were looking to “sow their wild oats” while they still could, leading to many “guilt-free” one night stands. Furthermore, whorehouses were more common in this time. However considering his circumstances and personality it is almost impossible that Steve Rogers took advantage of these opportunities.
DURING THE WAR
When Steve is given the Super Soldier Serum, he grows significantly in height, puts on big muscles, and becomes one big piece of Beefcake. He then is almost immediately sent on a tour of the country promoting the war effort, becoming a major celebrity in the process. However, the point is driven home this is the same old Steve, a heroic but dorky do-gooder. He tours the country with basically the Rockettes and it is possible his celebrity certainly opens up opportunities. However he is not shown enjoying any perks of fame and, besides he is infatuated with Special Agent Peggy Carter. Though their attraction is mutual, he is galavanting around Europe on feats of derring-do for the rest of the film, and it is presupposed she is also doing Special Agent things. Even when his friend Bucky dies it is not implied she engages in Pity Sex. Before the Captain’s fatal flight they make their first official date, where she promises to teach him how to dance. Now this may be as it seems on the surface, but this writer feels that this is an innuendo implying the worldly Peggy will teach the naive virgin Steve to “dance.” Wink wink. In any case we all know that those old dances such as the Charleston and Foxtrot made people totally randy and ready to bone. Unfortunately for Steve the plane crashes and becomes frozen in ice for 70 years…
MODERN AGE
Until he is discovered and thawed out in the present day. Steve is shown in The Avengers to be “lost” in a world and time he doesn’t belong to and doesn’t understand. He has no friends left. In the new trailer Black Widow asks if he ever goes out to which he responds,” all the guys in my barbershop quartet are dead,” implying that he does not. Also he is chronologically around 90 years old, and it’s possible he has the mindset of an elderly person, who go to bed at 9 and stay in to Watch the Wheel. Now in the Avengers he saves the life of Blond Waitress who makes googly eyes at him and thanks him on TV. In the DVD extended scenes which take place early in the movie, he is seen as Steve Rogers visiting the diner Blonde Waitress works at, and she is mildly flirtatious with him. He fails to pick up on her subtext (he being aged and bad with women and also from a time where most women were not forward with their intent, because those that were probably considered to be tramps, hussies, etc.) until being told by Smilin’ Stan Lee to “ask her out.” By the end of the film he has not done so though it is very possible he does afterwards. This is the biggest unknown variable to our hypothesis.
X FACTOR
In the Avengers Cap states, in reference to Loki, “there’s only one God, and it’s not him.” This strongly indicates that Steve believes in the Christian God. Does this influence how he lives his life in a moral sense? It is never said if Steve belongs to any organized religion. However he did grow up in a time where more Americans did go to church, instead of the more secular times of today. Thus it is possible that Steve believes or had been taught that sex before marriage is improper.
CONCLUSION
From this evidence, this writer believes that Captain America is in fact a virgin, at least by the beginning of his new movie.